Interpretations of a Bilingual Life

Noticias/News

To learn more about bilingualism & trilingualism follow me on twitter (trilingualbaby). You can also read a monthly post (first one today: 3/5/10) about my attempts to create a trilingual home at www.spanglishbaby.com This website has a plethora of information about raising bilingual and trilingual children. I think many readers will enjoy it as much as I have.

My first Latino teacher.

I never really thought much about whether or not having a teacher you could ethnically or culturally identify with made a difference in terms of interest or motivation in subject matter. Probably because I didn’t have a Latino teacher until I went to community college! In fact, this wonderful professor influenced me so much that I decided to major in English Literature because of my experience in two of his classes.

When I started community college I had this intense motivation to do well in school. I started high school with the same enthusiasm, but it slowly dwindled as my classes became more and more tracked ones. The track I was on included students who worked; at the time I had three jobs. I’m sure they tracked us based on test scores and other criteria blah blah blah, it’s not right in my opinion. These classes pretty much consisted of students doing umm nothing. Seriously, in one of my English classes half the class would sleep while the teacher spoke about nothing. One day I decided to ask him, “Mr. Monotone, why do you keep “lecturing” when half the class is asleep?” His response: “Well because I know most of you work and all you want to do is graduate.” I was speechless. He refused to teach or attempt to engage us because he had already decided our intentions AND our future in a way.

Several of my classes from science, math, to English were set up like the one above.

I can still remember my first day of community college. I’ll never forget it. I arrived on campus about an hour before my first class began and opened up my math textbook. It was pre-algebra. A very basic pre-algebra like they probably shouldn’t have named it pre-algebra. At any rate, I sat there, staring at my book with the intention that I was going to make it! To make a long story short I ended up getting a “D” in that class and had to make it up.

The following semester I enrolled in another course that was also required: English 101 with a Mr. Garcia. I purposely picked his class because we shared the same last name and it was a required course, so I thought, “Perfect, I’ll just take the course with him.” As it turned out we were born in the same city, Brownsville, TX and he attended the same highschool as my parents. Even at that time I had no idea that having a professor with a similar background as me would make a difference, but it did. He not only loved teaching writing, he loved to write and share stories. He got me interested in writing. The following semester I decided to take another required  course taught by him, but this time we were studying literature, in addition to writing. If it weren’t for my experience with him I probably would not have pursued a B.A. in English Literature when I transferred to the University of Texas at Austin (UT). In fact, I ended up taking a course with his uncle!!! The only reason I learned that they were related was because they were sharing similar stories in class. I had to ask Dr. Hinojosa-Smith if he was related to a Mr. Garcia. They were to my surprise!!

This blog posting may seem as if I were talking about just any other professor who cared about his students and in many ways I am, BUT I whole heartedly believe that he caught my attention, my interest in English Literature because we are both Chicano, which means the stories he shared resonated with my Mexican-American background. In fact, current research states that when children can identify, ethnically or racially, with a teacher; they are more engaged/interested in the subject matter.

The last time I communicated with him I was asking for a letter of recommendation for a Masters program I was applying to and letting him know I was also recently engages. At the end of the conversation he said, “Make sure you let me know when you get your PhD or have a baby whichever comes first.” If only he knew that I’m working on both, as I write this post, but that the baby will most definitely come first.

Thank you, Mr. Garcia!

-La tierra que yo conozco

This posting is about my feisty, Latina mother. She is actually  a re-markable woman! She made me and my two sisters who we are today. To put it quite simply, my dad had a hand in our upbringing during the  elementary years, which explains a great deal of our tendencies to, well laugh. He taught us how to laugh at life when things weren’t as we wish they would be. She’s feisty because she’s Latina, but also because she’s had an interesting life. I want to capture a glimpse of my mother because she is at the heart of all of my interests and pursuits in life.

I never really understood why my mother was so damn feisty and maybe I never will, but what I have learned about her is that she struggled to change her identity when she immigrated from Tamaulipas, Mexico as a teenager. Now, I’m not saying that immigrating to the US made her feisty. I think she was like that before she moved.

As I have pursued my studies in bilingual and bicultural education I have realized what my parents when through when they moved here not knowing a word of English. I have theories, misconceptions, studies and so much more to back up what they went through and may have felt, BUT there is ONE story that sums it all up for me. A story my mom shared with me over Christmas break last year. It captures everything I never understood about my mom and her dislike of speaking English and “American” culture.

During Christmas break I was telling her a little about what I’m studying as a doctoral student in bilingual & bicultural education when she shared this connection.

“When I first moved to the U.S. I would have the same dream over and over.  I dreamt that I was an eagle fly over -mi tierra- I would fly over my country, my city where I grew up and I would say –esta es la tierra que YO conzco. Yo conozco ESTA tierra. Es MI tierra. For many years I had this dream.”

I think that in many ways she still feels the same way about her Mexican identity.

Hearing MY Spanish

About a month ago my husband and I decided to watch a foreign flick. It’s one of our favorite things to do together. This time the movie that was delivered (Netflix) was La misma luna. Apparently, I added it to my queue. I didn’t know what to expect. The summary mentioned that it was about Mexican immigrants in the US. Sounds almost like a cliche right. I’ve seen several movies with the same theme, so I wasn’t too excited about it, but I thought who knows.

We had been watching the movie for about 20 minutes when I noticed how many questions Marcus kept asking me like “Whats a huerco?” There a few other words or phrases he asked about like “ya mero” or “ni modo.” He proceeded to comment on how he thought it was interesting that we hadn’t heard any English, yet. Thats when I actually turned to him and said, “You know what? I hadn’t even noticed.” I realized then that all the other Spanish-language films we had watched, mostly from Spain, I instantly would adjust my ear a little to the Spanish accent, the Spanish sayings, and the tone of the language. It felt really good to listen to a Spanish that was mine. One that my ear didn’t have to adjust to. One that I was familiar with. One that I didn’t even know I was missing. One that I didn’t even know had trained my ear to be familar with AND this is very important you see because of the huge disconnect I feel as a bilingual and bicultual individual living in the US, but still not part of the majority. I’m in the middle somewhere.

So, now I wonder how many times have I rejected MY Spanish because it wasn’t hmm “good enough” without realizing that it is MY Spanish that makes me who I am….bilingual & bicultural.

The Trilingual Journey Begins…

I’ve decided to start the journey. The journey of becoming trilingual. I’m scared. I’ve come up with several excuses as to why I can hold off on starting my French classes: no time, too much money, how much could I possibly learn….the list goes on. I decided to start this HUGE endeavor because I’ve never taken a foreign language course. Sure, I took Spanish in highschool for the easy “A,” but it wasn’t a foreign language to me.

Mostly, I decided to do this because I envy & admire people who can speak 3, 4, or more languages. I envy their experiences. I admire the work and committment they put into acquiring a new language. I’m jealous that they can see the world through a different lense AND I know they can because I do when I speak Spanish.

Truthfully? It’s not all about being envious and admiring multi-linguals. I think it’s important to learn more than one language. I’ve stated it before in my blog that I believe the entire US should be bilingual…at least.  They should AT LEAST have the opportunity to become bilingual. As I have found my self saying this numerous times it dawned on me that I haven’t ever tried to learn an additional language. How can I say that everyone should learn a second language when I haven’t even done just that. I’m what they call in the bilingual education world a “heritage language learner.” I was lucky to live with parents who’s native language is Spanish. It was easier to “pick it up” as they say. So…..as I mentioned….the trilingual journey has begun.

The language of choice? It’s French. Why? Well it ultimately came down to logistics. At first I really wanted to learn Portuguese because I thought it could benefit me and any possible research I may one day do in South America. The more I thought about it, AND believe me this is something that has been stirring in my mind for some time now, the more I realized that it had to be French. It’s quite simple. My husband speaks conversational French. I don’t think he’s fluent, but then again it’s hard to tell when I have no idea what he’s saying, BUT based on what others and he have told me, he knows basic conversational skills, what we call BICS in the bilingual education world, which is fine with me! Since he speaks French I thought it would be a lot easier to teach our children French, Spanish, & English if the whole family spoke the same languages. See…purely logistics.

So, I’m now at a point when I have to pick a school to learn French. I’m leaning towards the “Alliance Francaise” in Austin because they have small class sizes and they’re pretty reputable. Another reason why I decided to take this on is because I wanted to get a students perspective when learning an additional language…one completely foreign to them, unlike what my “foreign language” experience was like in high school. I am realizing why many individuals do not learn a second language. There is a huge commitment, financial, and time component. There are also alot of “not so great” language schools out there.

All of the above being said, I’M EXCITED. I won’t actually believe it until I am sitting in class listening to French and slowly, but surely sharing a few French words with fellow classmates.

Wish me luck!

How Washington,D.C. re-shaped my identity as a Mexican-American.

I never really felt proud to be an American. In addition, I never really could relate to history courses in high school and college, but I couldn’t exactly figure out why. All of that changed when I visited Washington, D.C. for the very first time a few years ago. I was going there to take a course at the Center for Applied Linguistics in Dual Language Teaching Methods.

I was there with three other fellow teachers. We were all part of pilot dual language (two-way immersion) program in Kansas City, MO. As soon as we landed and took a taxi to our hotel (which was near Dupont Circle where all the embassies are located…very cool) I caught a glimpse of the city and many of the monuments.  I was reminded of Rome, Italy and the long walks my sister and I took to see all of their monuments and museums. I was looking forward to venturing out into the city to do just the same. I had heard about Arlington Cemetary, the Lincoln Memorial, and the Smithsonians of course and was looking forward to simply enjoying another large city in the U.S.

After our classes ended we ventured out into the city. I, of course, had to go see the Celia Cruz (a.k.a The Queen of Salsa) exhibit at one of the Smithsonians.  The ladies I was with wanted to go to the National Archives, the Vietnam Memorial, and Arlington Cemetary. Quite honestly, all I wanted to do was check out the Smithsonians and the Holocaust museum. I wasn’t really interested in seeing all the “original” documents in the National Archives. I went nonetheless.

If you have ever been to Washington, D.C. you probably have experienced something similar. Once you “get over” the excitment about seeing these amazing monuments at our nations capital, you will probably start to reflect on ALL the names on the Vietnam wall, the statues of “real people” near the Lincoln Memorial, the pictures of actual soldiers at the Arlington Cemetary. And you will start to reflect and think about what their lives must of been like. What their families must have gone through. I usually don’t say or feel this way about veterans, but I felt a sense of gratefulness for having people willing to go fight for our freedom, but also a sense of guilt for not feeling this way before….I can’t explain it. If you ever have a chance to go you may also realize that D.C. can be a little depressing…especially after visiting the Holocaust museum.

One of the last places we visited was the National Archives and it was there that I finally realized why I never felt a sense of pride for being American, nor did I feel like I fit in….as I am writing this, I still lack the words to describe exactly how I feel. There’s a sense of disconnect. At any rate, in the National Archives there is this wall and on the wall there are a series of questions. If you can answer “yes” to one of the questions then there is a possibility that you  or your family has some sort of record in the archives. After answering “no” to several questions in a row I had to pause. Thats when it hit me! My family has NO history recorded in the National Archives. Many of the records are from before the time my parents immigrated to the U.S. I know this may sound irrelavent to many people, but if you could only have lived in my skin, only then could you understand.

So, how did my visit to D.C. re-shape my identity has a Mexaican-American? Well, it took me a while shortly after my trip to D.C. to feel a sense of American pride. I’m proud that my generation, the first-born and raised in the USA, is recording history as Mexican-Americans. There are still times when I feel a sense of disconnect, but for the most part I can pinpoint where I stand today as a Latina in the US and how my generation will and has shaped US history. As I type the final words to this posting I’m still a little unsure if I realize how my identity was re-shaped by this extraordinary visit. Maybe it’s because my identity is constantly evolving….

Language Varieties in the American School System.

I recently submitted a final paper to my Literacy & Culture class @ UT. The topic was: The Use of Language During a Read Aloud. For those of you who aren’t familiar with “read alouds” they basically consist of the teacher reading a book to the class. They serve several purposes from reading for pleasure to teaching social activism.

In previous posts I have mentioned my reservations with the use of language varieties by the teacher in the classroom. In a more recent post I mentioned that my views about the use of language varieties in the classroom was changing. I think I may have made a major shift. After the pilot project I implemented in a 3rd grade bilingual class room I do believe that the use of code-switching and Spanglish in the classroom is ok. Really, it is. Let me further explain.

I decided to read four books to a class of bilingual children. There was obviously a spectrum of language proficiencies in the classroom. Not all children were “fully” bilingual. Some were Spanish dominant and others relied on code-switching more. As I was saying I read four books. One was a monolingual English book, one was a monolingual Spanish book, and the other two were code-switching books. When I read each book I, as the teacher, stuck with the language the book was written in. So, for example if there was code-switching in the book I code-switched whenever I spoke to the students. It was quite liberating!

Here were some of the things I noticed. The majority of the children chose to use the language I was using, which was also the language the book was written in. Here’s the interesting point. During the monolingual read alouds the conversations about the books related strictly to the content in the book. During the read aloud of the code-switching books, or what I was calling the culturally and linguistically relevant books, the conversations were not only about the content in the books, but about the children’s home lives! In fact, when I asked them to respond to a dilemma one of the characters was experiencing, which was one they could relate to; I found that the use of language for the written responses was irrelevant to the language I was using or the one the book was written in!!!

After I was done writing my 20 page paper I learned that if we use the language varieties the children bring into the classroom as a learning tool rather than focusing on getting them to constantly produce Standard  English or Standard Spanish, then maybe we will also develop critical thinkers! And by nurturing critical thinkers the language development will follow. That being said, if I were still a classroom teacher I would still make sure my lessons included the use of all language varieties including my pursuit of developing Standard Spanish or Standard English.

Do certain words hold more value than others?

The other evening, while sharing some drinks at the local pub with some friends, we got to talking about food. Big surprise. If you know me, you know that I love food. Not a big cook, but really do enjoy yummy food.

Well I guess the conversation was a little unique because one of our friends there is a private chef. At any rate, we were talking about food and then we got into talking about the names of some food. At any rate, I remembered the first time I went into Central Market about 10 years ago, here in Austin. I started sharing how I was there to buy dinner. I was perusing their delicious cooked meals when the guy behind the counter asked, “What can I get for you tonight?” I had my eye on the “souffle,” but couldn’t make up my mind. So, I went ahead and said, “Umm I’ll have the “so-full.” The guy laughed and said, “Do you mean the “souffle?” I really didn’t care that he laughed. I giggled back and said, “Oh. Is that how you say it? Yes, the “souffle (holding the accent on the “e” a little longer than he did).” At any rate, as I was sharing this story with our friends my significant other says, “Suzanne, you aren’t actually supposed to admit that happened.”

I immediately said, “Really? Why can’t I mispronounce a French word, like souffle, when so many people mispronouce “quesadilla (qweh-sa-dilla)” or “salsa (sahlza).” I could go on and on with the mispronounciations I have heard, really all my life. He got the point.

That’s when it occurred to me. Do certain words hold more value than others? Is it the same as the perception that certain accents hold more value than others? For example, French vs. Mexican. Even local US accents. For instance, West coast vs. middle of America.

¿Quein sabe? No en serio…¿quien sabe? ¿Que opinan?

English sans rules!

What I love about English is that we adapt many words from other languages into our vocabulary. In fact, many times the words remain in tact. Such as the word, “sans” it is purely French, yet we use it in our everyday language.

As I delve into my doctoral studies the more at ease I feel about using “language.” There are so many language varieties to choose from really. Except we don’t usually get to choose them, they’re the ones who make us who we are. They reflect where we have been and where we come from. What’s interesting, and at times, difficult for some to realize or understand, is the more fluent you are in any language variety, the easier it is for you to switch from one to another. Take “borrowing (a.k.a Spanglish)” some would argue that it’s actually quite a skill to be able to “borrow”  and code-switch between Spanish, English, and Spanglish. I found this really hard to believe UNTIL two things happened to me. One: living, seeing, and experiencing Texas and TWO: reading Killer Cronicas: Bilingual Memories by Susana Chavez-Silverman.

How does this all relate to “English sans rules?” Well, its quite simple. For as much criticism as many non-dominant language varieties get from the African-American Vernacular English to Spanglish dialects; we have to remember that English is one particular language that does not have an “academy” to over see its “proper” usage! It is fluid. Thats the beauty of English. For instance, as I mentioned in an earlier post, in English, we tend to hyphenate words in order to describe something, like “passion-driven” writing.

Doesn’t that make you wonder why we don’t have “accent academies?” I mean really, as much as I favor the language academies that maintain languages such as Spanish and French, they do seem a little pretentious. Think about it. If there’s a “proper” way of using language, doesn’t that imply that there is a “proper” way of pronouncing words? Hmm…that would make for an interesting argument. Wouldn’t it?

Flying Stand-by

Have you ever flown “stand-by?” Well neither have I, but I’m trying to plan a trip to Europe this summer with the intentions of flying stand-by and boy is it…hmm whats the right word….phrase maybe….oh! I know like you’re in limbo. There are so many uncertainties, unpredictable events depending on where we land. Did I mention we are willing to take ANY non-stop flight? Well, as I began to try and think about what our 3-week adventure through Europe might look like I started to feel insecure about the trip and really simply not knowing how to negotiate costs. I felt a sort of uneasiness and you know what thats when it hit me! As a “native US bilingual” individual I have felt like I have been flying standby all my life between Spanish and English!!!

I can remember as a child being stunned after watching my abuelita smoke a cigerratte AND in our own house! My parents never allowed anyone to smoke in our house and there she was smoking a cigarette with a beer in the other hand. As I stood there in disbelief the words couldn’t come out of my mouth fast enough. I wasn’t sure how to say “to smoke,” but I worked around it by shouting, “Abuelita, tu smokas!!” Y en ese momento nadie pudo aguantar las carcajadas/And at that moment no one could hold back their laughter. I was utterly embarressed I chose the wrong word….sort of, right.

So, as I was saying all my life I have felt as if I were flying standby between English and Spanish. There were always so many uncertainties like am I making up a word or should I say the adjective first in a sentence and then the noun? There were also so many unpredictable events especially when my parents Spanish-speaking friends would come over. I would always think, “Oh great! Not only am I going to have to kiss their cheek (and ALL of them), but Im also going to have to use Spanish.” Believe it or not it wasn’t until I was in my twenties that I felt a little less insecure about using Spanish. As I mentioned earlier, flying standby can be hard to negotiate costs, events, and planning for that matter. This is how I have felt about being bilingual for many, many years. So, how do I feel now? Better. Now I feel like I at least know which country I’m landing in and that Ill be able to get around, but know that every once in a while there may be a word or two I don’t know AND when that does happen Ill resort to the most appropriate language variety for that particular context.

Ciao, Au’revoir, Adios, Good-bye, and Adieus.